Live with Eccentric Writers
Date: 2009-10-21, 2:25AM
Oh, hi there!
We're looking for a new roommate, as the old one is moving out soon. "We" in this case is myself and the other roommate, both males, late '20s.
The other roommate mainly works as a chef in high-end French restaurants, but is also a rather accomplished B-movie screenwriter, actor, and production assistant - he co-wrote and appeared in some terrible comedy/porno called XXXorcist, for instance, along with a bunch of other stuff for Burning Angel plus such other random things as late-night Italian horror television marathon lead-ins - "Bikini Bandits" and that sort of degenerate thing. He's also the author of a book called The Hobo's Guide, which he wrote at the age of 19 (he's 30 now) drawing on his experiences as a homeless teenager and all-around scoundrel, and is currently working on a couple of comedy projects. He's also in the middle of a divorce from this crazy woman he married, which is not to say that she was necessarily at fault just because she was crazy as I think he may have actually drove her crazy himself. The guy's a pornographer, after all. But he's not a douchebag pornographer who wears a bunch of rings and shit; he does ironic porn. He's an ironic pornographer. Very well.
I'm a freelance writer and regular contributor to Vanity Fair, The Huffington Post, The Onion (just features for the NYC print edition, not satire), and Skeptic, wrote a political humor book that came out in 2007 and working on another that will be out next year, serve as director of communications for a political action committee that advocates for the Establishment Clause, and working on a couple of other things here and there.
The apartment is quite handsome, with hardwood floors and a big arch in the ceiling and that's it. We're a two-minute walk from the Flushing stop on the JMZ and an eight minute walk to the Morgan stop on the L, as well as less than a block away from a laundromat and two blocks from a grocery store. Directly across the street is Lumenhouse, a popular Bushwick gallery/studio/all-around venue run by a charming couple who live above the place. The husband fellow even gave me a basketball pump when I was in need of one.
We're looking for someone who's intelligent, creative, laid-back, and reasonable. You must enjoy reading. You can be loud if you'd like; we're usually not, but we enjoy noises.
As noted, the roommate is an incredible chef and he'll make us whatever we want to eat. We've got a Wii, a rocking chair, a punching bag, and a shelf of books consisting mostly of history. We spend most evenings drinking and plotting against our various political enemies. In a couple of weeks we'll begin doing a weekly ten-minute show from our living room for a popular neighborhood website/blog thingy for which I write, and you can be a guest if you're clever or cute or in the room at the time.
Get in touch if you're awesome.
Park Street at Broadway
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From: Tiffany
To: [name withheld]
Date: Thur, Oct 22, 2009, 12:24a
Subject: I'm awesome... (re: room for rent)
General fact but specifically in regards to your roommate search. So, where to start?
I'm female, 27 years of age and originally from Georgia, where I currently reside for various reasons that I can't remember. I spent the last 10 years, give or take, in Miami doing the whole journalist thing for alt-weeklies, regional mags and various web entities. As a result, I've become quite the expert on blown-out nightlife, real estate inflation, dirty (but highly amusing) politicians, preening artists, litigious neighborhood associations and avoiding the Commie conversation in mixed company. As for publications that you might recognize, I was Flavorpill's Nightlife Editor for about three years and penned a few chapters in Blackbook's Miami City Guide for two years running. Nothing too grand. The plan for this year was to escape to nothingness and actually write something substancial but the current economy has left me in a position requiring various creative hustles and more bland freelance assignments. I'm sure my proclivity for red wine and spontaneous, costly adventures has nothing at all to do with the anything. I'm an expert conversationalist and enjoy intelligent banter. I know when to use the right fork but also have no problem talking my way out of a sticky situation in an alley in the wee hours. There are only three magazines I pick up with any regularity: Vanity Fair, GQ and US Weekly. As I child I subscribed to Atlantic Monthly, Robb Report, Spin and Seventeen. Make of that what you will.
As for me as a roommate, I'm extremely laid back, not noisy, definitely a night owl, relatively neat and very independent. My vices are wholly unoriginal -- alcohol and cigarettes. The latter I hope to be rid of upon my arrival in the city as they are such a waste of money, require unnecessary trips into the cold and make me breathe like an old hag when climbing subway stairs. I've had more roommates than I can count on all my fingers and toes. None of them have anything bad to say about me. My rent/utilitity/etc payments are always prompt. I've had my clothes lent out, my furniture "borrowed" and the last of my smuggled chocolates eaten, much to my dismay, so I always err on the side of respect to avoid unnecessary, deserved wrath and becoming "that roommate."
So, that's it. I can move in by Nov. 1 and I'm sure I can rope a friend into dropping off the rent/deposit and picking up a key beforehand if that's necessary. Unfortunately, I can't come by to meet and see the place beforehand as I have about twenty million things to do and cover in the next week and a half. That's usually the sticker but, in lieu of me actually coming by, feel free to web stalk me. I'm most often found here: http://www.twitter.com/rainey305. And, naturally, you can always e-mail back or call me.
t
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From: [name withheld]
To: Tiffany
Date: Thurs, Oct 22, 2009, 2:01a
Subject: Re: I'm awesome... (re: room for rent)
Hi, Tiffany-
You're certainly superior to our other applicants, and we've had some damned good applicants (we've also had some bad ones, particularly the fellow who started by noting that he was in "post-graduate limbo" and whose e-mail I promptly deleted out of righteous contempt). It's particularly swell that you've done a bunch of event/venue listings type stuff; I've been doing the same thing on and off for years, and in fact still do to some extent; I can actually hook you up with at least one nice little paying gig doing similar stuff for this site for which I've been writing lately.
I just left you a message but I'm assuming you're asleep or some such; give me a ring tomorrow if you can.
Word
